- Breastmilk is the perfect all-in-one food for the first six months of Baby’s life. He doesn’t need anything else – not even water on a hot summer’s day in Africa.
- Breastfed babies are healthier. Breastfeeding protects against illness and allergies. Breastfed babies visit the doctor and hospital 12 to 14 times less than bottlefed babies.
- Breastfeeding offers long term protection against obesity, cancer, diabetes and heart disease.
- Breastmilk is brain food! Breastfed babies have an advantage of 7 – 10 IQ points.
- Breastfeeding helps moms lose weight.
- Breastfeeding is SO convenient: the milk is always available, always fresh and always the right temperature.
- It saves money – hundreds of rands per month and thousands per year.
- Breastfeeding saves time. There are no bottles to prepare, wash or sterilise. Furthermore, nursing time is time to relax, too. Mom can read, sleep, listen to music or watch her favourite movies, while simultaneously giving Baby the best start in life. Talk about multitasking!
- Breastfeeding gives mothers a biochemical advantage when it comes to coping with mothering and reading their babies. Remember, prolactin is called ‘the mothering hormone’ and oxytocin ‘the bonding hormone’.
- Breastfeeding is eco-friendly.
Monthly Archives: March 2012
Women often ask me: Okay, so how much does labour really hurt? Well, how long is a piece of string? It depends. Labour pain seems to be unique and subjective. Every woman experiences it differently. For some women, labour pain is excruciating, especially towards the end. Others say they expected worse. It was intense, but it was manageable.
Medical researchers haven’t come up with much support for the pain threshold theory. It seems that the amount of pain you’ll experience depends not on your ‘pain threshold’, but rather on something else. Question is, on what?
If I’m asked the ‘how sore is it really’ question in my antenatal classes, I ask a question of my own. I say: “Labour is a lot like sex. The hormones and body parts involved are very similar. Is sex painful or pleasurable?” The first few women normally say that it is pleasurable. But is sex always pleasurable? What about rape? It is probably one of the most painful experiences a woman’s can experience in her life. Why? What makes it painful?
The answer I’m looking for, of course, is resistance. Sex becomes painful when a woman resists it. The same tends to be true for labour. Sure, the baby can be in a position that causes additional pain, like when he is lying posterior, but in general labour coping tools and techniques are all designed to minimise resistance.
Klaus and Kennell writes:
“Every aspect of labour support must start with the idea of reducing stress – mental, emotional and physical. The goal is to enhance the woman’s ability to relax. The body’s stress system is called the sympathetic nervous system, which produces what we call the ‘fight or flight response’. The opposite of the sympathetic nervous system is the system that creates calm and a feeling of well-being called the parasympathetic nervous system. The hormones of the sympathetic nervous system are epinephrine and norepinephrine. The parasympathetic nervous system produces a hormone called oxytocin. Reducing the stress response enhances the body’s own production of oxytocin, as well as natural opiates called endorphins.
When the woman can relax, oxytocin strengthens the contractions of the uterus. It also allows the muscles to function properly, the longitudinal muscles to expel the baby and the lower uterine muscles to relax, stretch, and open to release the baby. When a mother’s body is tense, the opposite occurs; the upper muscles of the uterus loosen and stop contracting, and the lower muscles tighten to retain the infant. This is perhaps nature’s way of stopping labour if the mother has to flee from a frightening experience … The fight-or-flight response occurs and the body gears for defense, sending blood to other organs of the body. If blood flow is reduced to the uterus, the uterine muscles constrict, causing the circular muscles of the cervix to tighten up, and dilation is impeded [and remember, the less blood flow to the uterus, the more pain]. Also, there may be less oxygen sent to the fetus. When the vertical muscles of the uterus continue their attempt to expel the baby, and the cervix resists, the baby’s head pushes against tense muscles. This causes more pain and lengthens labour.
When labour is not impeded by undue stress and fear, the woman’s own natural oxytocin is secreted from the posterior pituitary gland into the bloodstream. At the same time, her brain also secretes oxytocin to other areas within the brain itself. This has four effects. First, it markedly increases the pain threshold, so that the mother has reduced sensitivity to pain. Second, it results in drowsiness. Third, it results in some relaxation or calming, and finally, after the birth it helps the woman feel closer to the baby.” (The Doula Book, Klaus, Kennell & Klaus 2002: 70).
In other words, relaxation creates a positive feedback loop. The more relaxed the mother is, the better her secretion of oxytocin. In its turn, oxytocin leads not only to stronger and more effective contractions, but, paradoxically, also to less pain! The key to a less painful labour is increasing relaxation and reducing resistance.
But how do you reduce resistance? My top ten tips are:
- Practice relaxation techniques before labour, preferably with your partner. You can take a course like Hypnobirthing or The Mama Bamba Way, you can buy CDs on the internet, or you can practice yoga, meditation and/or visualisation. These techniques will all teach you how to relax into the intense experience that is labour, instead of resisting it.
- Support yourself with people that you love. Research has shown over and over that a mother who is supported experiences less pain. Consider hiring a professional doula to take some of the pressure off your partner and to support him as well.
- Ensure that you are labouring in an atmosphere that feels safe and comforting. If you are one of those people who tense up as soon as you step into a hospital, you should consider birthing at home or in an Active Birth Unit.
- Use water to relax you and to relieve pain. A birth pool is probably second only to an epidural in terms of pain relief. It really can provide extremely effective pain relief.
- Remember that your breath is your best friend in labour. You don’t need to learn a lot of complicated breathing techniques. You just need to breathe in a natural and relaxed way: in through your nose, out through your mouth. Try to make your out-breath a little longer than your in-breath and purposefully relax and let go while breathing out.
- If you find labour painful, tell yourself that this is healthy pain and that you welcome it. We are so used to resisting pain, to taking pain killers and rushing to the doctor. We are used to seeing pain as a message from our bodies that something is wrong. In the case of labour, however, pain has a purpose.
- Take it one contraction at a time. You can handle this one contraction, can breathe through an intense minute or minute and a half. What you may not be able to do, is cope with the idea of the contractions that have gone before this one (I’ve been in labour for fourteen hours!) or with the ones that are still to come (How long is this going to take?). The moment you start thinking of the past or the future – the moment you step out of the present – you are in trouble. See each contraction as one less, not as ‘oh no, not another one!’.
- Keep your mouth, your neck and your shoulders soft. It is almost impossible to hold tension in your body if these areas are soft. Blow soft raspberries with your lips, roll your neck, ask your partner for a shoulder massage in between contractions. Some soft, smoochy kisses will also do the trick.
- Make low-pitched sounds from deep in your belly. This increases endorphin release. If you find yourself crying ‘no’ and shaking your head from side to side as a contraction starts, try doing the opposite. Chant something like ‘yes’ or ‘open’ instead. Embrace the pain instead of resisting it.
- Use tools that will get you out of your normal state of consciousness into a more embodied, instinctive state. Lower the lights or close your eyes. Play relaxing music and move rhythmically with it. Dance with your partner. Spiral your hips.
Some of the most helpful books on parenting I’ve ever read are those by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I felt so much more equipped to deal with my children’s negative emotions and behaviour after reading books like How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk and How to Talk so Kids will Learn. When I found out that I was expecting my second child, I bought their Siblings Without Rivalry. I wasn’t disappointed.
In the second chapter, the authors have an exercise in which you need to rate your emotional response to the following scenario:
Imagine that your spouse puts an arm around you and says, “Honey, I love you so much, and you’re so wonderful that I’ve decided to have another wife just like you.
When the new wife finally arrives, you see that she’s very young and kind of cute. When the three of you are out together, people say hello to you politely, but exclaim ecstatically over the newcomer. “Isn’t she adorable? Hello, sweetheart … You are precious!” Then they turn to you and ask, “How do you like the new wife?”
The new wife needs clothing. Your husband goes into your closet, takes some of your sweaters and pants and gives them to her. When you protest, he points out that since you’ve put on a little weight, your clothes are too tight on you and they’ll fit her perfectly.
Don’t you just hate her sometimes?
The new wife is maturing rapidly. Every day she seems smarter and more competent. One afternoon as you’re struggling to figure out the directions on the new computer your husband bought you, she bursts into the room and says, “Ooh, can I use it? I know how?”
One just feels your fists clench right along with your teeth, don’t you?
When you tell her she can’t use it, she runs crying to your husband. Moments later she returns with him. Her face is tear-stained and he has his arm around her. He says to you, “What would be the harm in letting her have a turn? Why can’t you share?”
I think you get the picture. Of course I’m not suggesting that you should have only one child (not at all, I have five!). Please don’t feel guilty about wanting more children – or about either your older child or the new baby. As I said to a newly delivered second-time mom just this morning, motherhood is a guilt-ridden occupation. We feel sad for the older child that he’ll no longer have our undivided attention and we feel equally guilty about not devoting enough attention to the little one either. Siblings truly are gifts to one another if the relationships are handled lovingly and there are many benefits as well as drawbacks to each and every position in the family, whether you’re the oldest, the youngest or the middle child. Guilt doesn’t help you or your kids. It doesn’t improve the quality of your lives at all. It’s such an unproductive emotion – such a waste of valuable energy. Don’t indulge in it. Every time you feel guilty, see if the guilt has something to teach you – if it comes with a lesson, with a way in which you can improve what you are doing. If it does, change your behaviour or attitude. If it doesn’t, don’t allow the guilt another second of rent-free space in your already overburdened mind. Your kids will cope, as long as you love them and show it to them as often as possible. They’ll probably even like each other – at least some of the time!
So, what can you do to make the birth of a new baby less traumatic for your older child? Here are some tips:
- Many parents ask what the ideal age gap is. Experts have different opinions about this, but I generally just tell the parents that the age gap between their kids is the perfect one. After all, that’s their reality. In my opinion, there are pros and cons to all age gaps. If you have your kids close together, it might be tough on you in the beginning and the older child may not have as much time to be a baby and the sole focus of your attention. On the other hand, you’ll have kids so close in age that they’ll be interested in the same games and you’ll be able to read them the same book at bedtime. Having them further apart may make that first year easier on all of you, but your kids might not have as much in common at first.
- Expect your older child to be excited about the baby and adapt to the changes well. If you expect a smooth transition, that’s what you’ll get. If you expect jealousy and tantrums, ditto. This is what psychologists call a self-fulfilling prophesy, and I promise you it’s very real. Your child picks up on your fears and expectations, and act accordingly.
- Prepare your child during pregnancy. Read books together with stories about new babies, show your child pictures of babies, take him along to your scans and let him feel the baby kick. Look through his own baby pictures and tell him stories about when he was little. Make a big song and dance about how much your older child can do that baby isn’t able to. Take breastfeeding: talk to your older child about everything he can eat and drink, while Baby is so small that he can only have breastmilk.
- Get your child a gift from the baby. A great idea is a doll of his/her own that to take care of while Mom is busy with Baby. Place this gift next to Baby when he sees her for the first time. You might also want to make sure that the new baby is lying somewhere else than in Mom/Dad’s arms for that first meeting. Of course this isn’t possible at a home birth – especially when the older child is very involved in the birth – but in hospital (which is already a strange, somewhat scary environment) putting Baby in a bassinet for the first meeting might be wise.
- Let your child be Mommy’s little helper as often as he likes. This makes him feel important, like he is making a contribution. But don’t burden him with so much childcare responsibilities that he feels resentful.
- Have a special stash of new toys and books that are only taken out when the baby is breastfeeding. This way, your child will look forward to feeding times and you can even give him special attention by reading to him while Baby is drinking.
- Spend special alone-time with your older child when Baby is asleep.
- Accept the fact that your older child will have more of Dad for a while. Don’t fall into the trap of always caring for the baby while Dad looks after the older one, but don’t feel guilty about the fact that they will bond on a deeper level than before either.
- Accept that your older child may very well regress a bit in certain areas. Take it in your stride and don’t make a big deal out of it. Also try not to attribute all challenging behaviour to the new baby. With my youngest child, Dominic, I realised that 3-year olds often pretend to be babies, for instance. Had he just gained a new brother or sister, I’d assume that he was having trouble coping. Because he was my last, though, I realised that his ‘regression’ was simply make-believe. It wasn’t an indication of sibling rivalry. Even Freud said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar!
- No matter how young your child is, reflect his feelings and teach him feeling words. If he says he wishes the baby would go away, don’t deny his feelings and tell him he doesn’t really mean that. Of course he does. Instead, teach him to put his feelings into words. “You feel sad that the baby is taking up a lot of Mommy’s time.” Then give him a way to cope with his feelings, for instance, “Would you like to draw a sad picture?” Or, “Would you like to jump on the trampoline until you feel better?”
The first weeks with a new baby in the house can be hard – on you and on your older child. Do you have any other tips you’d like to share on making the transition smooter? Please post a comment so other parents can benefit from your wisdom.
Did you know that it is better not to touch the back of your baby’s head at all while breastfeeding? Your baby has a reflex that is activated by pressure on the back of his head. This reflex is particularly strong in the first few weeks. It exists for Baby’s survival – to protect him against suffocation – and he cannot override it. In sensitive babies, this reflex is so strong that they’d rather go hungry than act against it.
When the mother or her helper touches Baby’s head during latching, Baby automatically pushes his head back into the supporting hand. This causes problems like poor attachment, fussiness at the breast and even breast refusal. Some babies are so traumatised that they yell whenever they are brought to the breast. It is often a long, slow process to get them back onto the breast. We literally coax them back inch by patient inch, continually rewarding their progress with sips of expressed breastmilk from a syringe.
Pressure on the back of Baby’s head can also cause nipple pain. Research shows that babies whose heads are supported latch onto the breast nose first. The optimal latch, in contrast, is achieved when Baby leads with his chin and goes onto the breast bottom jaw first. Most moms find the nose-first latch uncomfortable or even painful.
Ensure that you support Baby’s upper back and neck instead of his head. This kind of support is completely adequate, even in the first days when a baby’s neck is still very wobbly. Your hand should be placed no higher than the base of your baby’s skull. Even the light pressure of one finger on Baby’s head can cause sub-optimal feeding. To read more, go to http://www.health-e-learning.com/resources/articles/37-when-the-back-of-the-babys-head-is-held-to-attach-the-baby-to-the-breast
To read this post in Afrikaans, go to http://borsvoedjoubaba.wordpress.com/2012/03/04/n-algemene-oorsaak-van-probleme/
Says a dad in the second row
From the back.
The big one with the brown beard
who secretly reminds me
of a friendly bear
with thick reading glasses.
“How will I know what she needs?
How will know how to support her?”
That’s why you need a doula,
I want to say.
Someone who has been there before.
But I don’t
Because I sense
That a dad brave enough to ask these questions
In front of the whole antenatal class
Is probably a dad
Who will understand
a woman in labour.
So I sway a little
On the big yellow birth ball
I like to sit on
When I teach
I think a little
About what it takes
To be with a woman
“You will know what to do”
I tell him
“If you are really there
In that room.
Do not think about
The breakfast you never had
Do not think about
That meeting you’re gonna miss
Do not think about
Or anything involving balls.
Take off your shoes
For the ground on which you’re standing
Is women’s holy turf.
Switch off your cell phone
and let that room
let that woman
become your entire universe.
Watch her closely
And you will know what to do
Listen to her
With more than your ears
And you won’t say
That’ll get you in trouble.
No, don’t write it down!
Practice with me
Practice being present
In this moment.
Do not think
That your lack of experience
Is a handicap.
I am not a better doula
Hundred births down the line.
In fact, I might be worse.
For beginner’s mind
Is a shimmering pearl
Of magnificent value.
To things as they unfold
Are way more precious
You cannot go wrong
If you love her
You cannot go wrong
If your intentions are pure.
Leave your expectations
At the door of the labour ward
And enter the birth room
With your cup empty as a beggar’s.
When it is all over
And your back and shoulders ache
Belly and all
The entire way
Across the desert
She will turn to you and say
‘I couldn’t have done it without you’
And you will answer
‘But I did nothing
You did it all.’
Will be more than enough.”
The dad looks at me
His mouth opens and closes
Like a goldfish
Flapping his fins
On the dry threadbare carpet.
From the front row
who is not shy
his hand goes up.
“That was some speech
That was inspiring
Now I was just wondering:
Would all of that
Be in the notes?”